The First of Many.

As the title indicates, this will be the first of many, many posts on this fledgling blog. I have a number of blogs, but they are all somewhat personal in nature. There is no zero tolerance policy on this blog that will ban any sort of reference to my personal life, but such references will be conducive to an overall topic, one that is external and universally significant.

Many blogs are dedicated to this sort of thing. What will separate this from the masses? The popular ones have a voice, a strong and charismatic style, an intangible force that festers under the words and draws in the reader. Words on their own are somewhat mundane – we all have the exact same tools to work with. And even eloquence is not enough to harness that enigmatic power to seize the attention of people.

Right now my words are just articulate enough to show that I’m somewhat intelligent, perhaps a bit pretentious too. I’m aware of that.

But I’m not. And maybe it’s unwise for me to come right out and say that. I think the “show, don’t tell” rule applies to much more than just writing fiction. I should show that I’m not. But here I am telling, and that’s me being sincere, and vulnerable. So I’ll come right out and tell you who I am, and I hope it comes across in my future posts.

I’m 21. I think this makes me a woman, but I still feel like a girl. But not a young immature girl. I feel like some kind of strange creature in transition. I don’t feel like I possess that womanly confidence, demure and possessing in gait and demeanor. But I’m not quite a little girl, completely naive and unassuming. I’m sort of wacky and bizarre, eccentric and jumbled. I’m tightly wound and full of anxiety. I’m a writer, a musician, a composer. I’m a reader, a gamer, explorer, a psychonaut. I thread sounds and string words – an alchemist of the abstract.

I see the world through a kaleidoscope of conflicting questions and ruminations, of fragmented interpretations that battle one another and leave me questioning the nature of each seam of reality.

Now, I’m not saying I’m so unique. We’re all walking through an ever-shifting labyrinth of contradictory synaptic signals. But my point is, I’m a little 0ut there. And I can relate to all of you who feel disjointed, detached, hovering lightly above the routine and order of this floating cosmic rock.

And I have opinions. I got lots of them. And I wanna share them. So this is me, baring my soul, baring my brain that’s quite frankly quivering in fear of all the possible offense I may cause, or the criticism I may receive. But I’m going to strap on my anxiety like a bullet-proof vest, I’m going to make it my armor and control it. I’ll transmute it into a dragon that breathes fire, and I’ll be fearless and full of courage.

I want to meet you all. I want to know you all. I want to say what’s on my mind, and I want to know what you think about it. And my dragon will fuel the flames of these connections, and I won’t shy away and I won’t give into pretense.

I’m aiming for honesty and integrity. If this is up your alley, join me. Follow my journey in the pilgrimage to realizing my individuality. I’m breaking free of the bonds that society has put me in. I’m going to write and write until I find who I am. I’m going to write and write and never stop, and I hope you want to take the trip with me.

It’ll be a long strange trip. And I don’t want to take it alone.

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